Wednesday, January 2, 2008

The loneliness in me

I am not a loner.

Always found with friends and colleagues.

Hardly get the time to analyze what I am making of myself.

Yet in this busy life of mine whenever I observe myself I encounter this strange loneliness in me.

The moment i see it,i tend to tell it –‘Hey you really don’t belong to me’.

But alas it sticks there like a parasite, unmovable ,unquestinable,untraceably mine.

I often think to myself when everything is so logical in this world,there has to be some reason for its origin.

The question however lives an endless life.



Even when I walk a crowded street and I see people rush across.

Each one with their own story of happiness, own reasons of sadness and yet I see them carry this same loneliness in them.

Another series of question flow in , do they know of it? Or is it something I am imagining ?

Have never seen anyone talk of a thing like this.

Or does all this somehow goes unsaid?



Itz not about the vaccum that comes from some deep loss.

I am truly blessed with a loving family and friends,a nice job.

Life is perfect in everyway but yet this unreasonable little thing troubles me in a mysterious way.



Another wise thought i recall--

'A weakness when confessed remains weakness for no long'

I again make an attempt to face it upfront.

I concede to it ,tell myself that there is surely something wrong.

Plant a plan to remove this unwelcomed guest.

A little sweet moment with someone close will do me good.

Wash my face to shed off the painful thought but while i look at the face in the mirror

I still see the lonly me.



Then one cold morning i come across an old lady

Shivering to the wind that sway

Her eyes asking me for help

Although scared of a stranger, i ask her if she would like some tea.

A smile lit her face

and while that happened i was surprized to see

my unpleasing partner part his way

it's only then i understood a reason to the blankness i faced

The only solution to the emptness i felt

was to let humanity come into me and stay

For everything i ever did had a selfish end to it.

The little act of kindness

transformed the isolated me

into a ME i internally longed to be.

4 comments:

SHIVI said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
SHIVI said...

"the loneliness in me"
well i feel vanya here says a lot of things in a very few words.. unlike me.. and that is what i like about her writing.. it is concise, to the point and has a touchy finish..

Humanity i feel is the best solution to a lot of problems we face these days.. I feel it fills us with a strange sense of satisfaction. probably of doing something good.. and Vanya has highlighted that with that cozy ending of hers..
A nice thought but i was particularly impressed with the way she presented the solution..

Keep it up..

Kapil said...

one of the best original write ups i have come across..u can write you mind .. kudos! .keep it up

kabirvishal said...

Interesting. Loneliness like insurance is subject matter of solicitation... its not loneliness i thought, it is but 'awareness'. And that makes your writing even more beautiful. :D